WORKING ON THE LIBIDO: Your lover, smiling, reaches for you just as your arrive home work. Generous, loving… but you’re still stressed form an office disaster, and sex is the last thing on your mind. Being touched right now would drive you nuts --- and not in a good way.
It’s been called Yuppie Sex Syndrome, and it’s getting worse. And otherwise healthy couple find themselves working long hours, overly focused on their careers - and don’t seem to make love anymore. While lack of sexual desire has long been seen as woman thing, these days men too are complaining of low libido.
Sex and stress are as physically entwined as new lovers. Our most powerful animal urges - lust as well as fear and aggression - share common pathways in the brain, says Joan Z. Borysenko, Phd., author of A Woman’s Book of life: The Biology, Psychology, and Spirituality of the Feminine Life Cycle. One tiny are of the brain called the limbic system controls, the “ Four F’s” : food, fear, fighting - and, well, sex.
Sex and stress also trigger similar physiological reactions: Heart rate and blood pressure spike, respiration quickens, pupils, dilate, pain threshold rises. Both are total mind-body orchestrations of emotion, sensation and neuropathies, the molecules of emotion that sir body and brain. Sex requires all of your neuro-chemistry to be balanced. Stress can unhinge any of the four phases of the sex cycle –appetite, arousal, orgasm or resolution and detail the subtler chemical messengers of sensuality. Chronic stress disrupts other erotic body chemistry as well. Launch your fight-or-fight response too often, and you can end up with low levels of cortical and testosterone, two hormones needed for sexual arousal, as well as oxytocin. Oxytocin - a hormone that causes uterine contractions and feelings of arousal and is essential for orgasm - may also be inhibited by stress.
“Desire is one the most fragile things on the planet,” says Janice M. Epp, Phd., professor at the Institute for Advance Study of Human Sexuality in San Francisco. It’s the first thing that goes when people are under stress.” To buffer yourself from anxiety and maximize your desire, try some of these do-it-yourself antidotes.
Avoid Caffeine: Caffeine may deplete your stores of norepinephrine and epinephrine, the chemical messengers of sensuality and boost cortisol levels, increasing the stress response. Avoid caffeine or restrict yourself to one to two cups of caffeinated drinks (coffee, cola) a day.
Limit alcohol : Psychologically, alcohol may wash away stress, but it opens blood vessels on the surface of your skin, when blood should be moving to your genitals for arousal and lubrication. Avoid or limit intake before sex.
Breathe deeply: Use your body’s feedback loop, to change from stress-escalating to sex-escalating feelings. Yoga and meditation can help too.
Exercise and rest: Too little exercise and your risk not having the “juice” for sex; too much and the physical and psychological demands, over time, can leave your chronically stressed. Balance moderate exercise with plenty of rest, calm the stress.
Know your medications: Painkillers and the SSRI antidepressants can disturb arousal, lubrication and orgasm. Discuss all medications with your doctor.
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